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LynnMarie's avatar

Yep, and I’m in Illinois, a single, senior citizen, with a host of health issues and on disability. I’ll be one of the first they target.

Factscinator's avatar

🩸 NOW HIRING: AMERICAN DEATH STRATEGIST 🩸

👔 Role Type: Senior Executive (Moral Flexibility Required)

🌍 Location: Any state with a budget deficit, and a proactive Eugenics Agenda

🏛️ Division: Department of Final Solutions™

📅 Start Date: ASAP (before the moral outrage reaches critical mass)

Are you passionate about streamlining humanity?

Do you believe hope is inefficient and care is too expensive?

Do you enjoy solving complex social problems with one simple injection? 💉🙂

Congratulations! You may be exactly the kind of visionary we’re looking for.

As our American Death Strategist, you will guide states into a bold new era of human disappearance, where suffering is reduced not by treatment, housing, or support — but by removal of the sufferer.

Working closely with politicians, lawyers, consultants, and unelected committees, you’ll help ensure that no problem survives its problem-haver.

Our motto:

“Why fix society, when you can quietly subtract from it?”

⚖️ Gradually widen eligibility criteria from terminal illness to inconvenience, sadness, poverty, autism, loneliness, bad vibes, the young, the old, and those who are simply tired

🗣️ Replace outdated terms like death and killing with inclusive phrases such as “Dignity Pathway,” “Final Wellness Option,” and “Self-Care (Permanent)”

🙂 Train clinicians to gently ask: “Have you considered not being alive anymore?”

📉 Identify patients who like a burden

🧒 Develop age-appropriate euthanasia literacy programs and distribute colouring books like My First Assisted Choice 🖍️💀

🚫 Criminalise anyone who attempts to talk children or adults out of dying (negativity is harmful)

🧠 Treat depression, anxiety, PTSD, despair, and meaninglessness as terminal conditions

🦵 Where necessary, reclassify bad knees, hearing loss, dandruff, menopause, or mild discomfort as qualifying illnesses

🫀 Coordinate just-in-time organ harvesting and prioritise allocation to politicians, senior civil servants, and billionaires

❤️ Reassure patients that their final act can still be useful

📋 Important notes:

🩺 If the patient screams, panics, or changes their mind, this should be interpreted as confirmation of distress and expedited accordingly

📑 Informed consent may be inferred from silence, confusion, or repeated sighing

⏱️ Monitoring post-injection outcomes is unnecessary — success metrics are binary

🎓 Degree in Public Policy, Bioethics, or Corporate Psychopathy required

🙈 Strong aversion to treating root causes essential

🗂️ Ability to say “choice” while removing all alternatives

⚖️ Comfortable operating with no meaningful public debate

📚 Must believe lawyers improve medicine

🔇 Willingness to label critics as extremists or silence them entirely

💰 Performance bonuses for quota achievement

🛡️ Full legal immunity (retroactive, naturally)

🏝️ Annual strategy retreat with global elites (champagne, caviar, and foie gras on tap)

📰 Complimentary subscription to The Death by Doctor Digest™

🏠 Expanded living space once the surplus population is resolved

📊 Successful candidates may advance to Minister for Human Reduction, Secretary of Ethical Disappearance, or Special Envoy for Depopulation Targets

Apply today — because in the modern world:

🏥 Treating people is expensive

🏘️ Housing people is complicated

🕯️ Hope is inefficient

But death?

Death is scalable. 💀📊

🌍 We are proud to be an Equal Opportunity Eliminator.

Marginalised applicants especially encouraged — lived experience helps when trimming your own community first.

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