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Welcome to another episode of Crime Family Diagnoses!!

Tonight's feature: the Biden clan—part political dynasty, part C-SPAN meets "Breaking Bad." The patient of the hour? President Joe "No Malarkey" Biden—recently diagnosed with prostate cancer, dementia, criminal tendencies, and an incurable habit of sniffing the hair of unsuspecting children like he’s auditioning for Creepy Uncle: The Musical.

But that’s just scratching the surface…

According to sources close to the Biden Crime Clan—and anyone who follows the news—the list of ailments grows daily. Here are a few...

🧠 Dementia Deluxe™

Complete with memory holes deep enough to bury classified documents—and maybe a few skeletons from the ‘70s.

📜 Executive Incontinence

Can’t hold a press conference, a sentence, or his approval rating.

💼 Hunteritis Sons

A rare hereditary condition marked by sudden urges to lose laptops, paint with your nose, and invest in Ukrainian natural gas while high.

🛠️ Teleprompter Dependence Syndrome

Symptoms include staring blankly into space, mumbling, and accidentally reading the stage directions out loud: "End of quote. Repeat the line."

🕵️ Delaware Deep State-itis

An inflamed attachment to long-time family donors, shady university archives, and garage-door classified storage.

💸 Inflation Denial Disorder

Patient is known to believe eggs still cost $1.29 and rent is "just a phase."

🦴 Fragile Fall Frequency Syndrome

Notable for spontaneous collapses on Air Force One steps, sandbags, and logic.

🐢 Temporal Confusion Complex

Frequently believes he marched with MLK, got arrested with Mandela, and dined with Caesar.

Meanwhile, Hunter Biden has been diagnosed with:

💻 Laptop Leaks Syndrome

A condition where every personal moment somehow ends up in the public domain, usually with zero pants and a crack pipe.

🎨 Picassoblivion

A delusion wherein finger painting while naked is considered national service.

🔫 Gun Form Forgetfulness

Sudden inability to remember what he signed, where he left it, or who owns the dumpster it’s now in.

💊 Enhanced Substance Productivity Disorder

Patient is able to smoke, snort, text, bribe, and film simultaneously—performance unmatched outside of Wall Street.

🏦 Bank Account Ping-Pong Syndrome

Money travels between countries faster than his dad says "C’mon, man!"

📷 Compulsive Self-Incrimination

Feels an uncontrollable urge to record every crime he may or may not have committed. For the memories!!

🎬 Scarface Syndrome

Patient is continually auditioning for Scarface 2 by doing more powder than the original Tony Montana. Symptoms include bursting into hotel rooms naked, brandishing a limp one, and shouting:

"Say hello to my little pecker!"

Stay tuned as the White House confirms whether these ailments are "ongoing issues," "Russian disinfo," or "just malarkey." Either way, Biden's new official health classification might just be:

"Too Big to Fail… Cognitive Tests." 🧠🏛️💥

Brandon is not your bro's avatar

Really ??… novavax . 🤬 . And really Singapore !!🤬

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