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RFK was inspired to send the measles jabs to Texas after seeing this eye-opening Interview with Dr. Rasheed, the Measles ’Virus.’

Interviewer: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to Pathogen Profiles, where we sit down with the biggest names in microbiology—real or imagined! Today, we have a very special guest: the one, the only… Dr. Rasheed, the measles virus!

Dr. Rasheed: Thank you, thank you! It’s an honor to be here. I usually make my appearances as rashes and in dubious lab experiments, but hey, exposure is exposure!

Interviewer: Fantastic! Let’s jump right in. Now, Dr. Rasheed, let’s talk about how you prove your existence to the world. Walk us through the process—how does it all begin?

Dr. Rasheed: Oh, it's a magical journey, really. It all starts with a nice, invasive nasopharyngeal swab - a glorified cotton bud rammed so far up someone’s nose that it practically tickles their brain.

Interviewer: Sounds delightful.

Dr. Rasheed: Oh, it is!!! Once I’m extracted from my comfy human host - assuming I was even there in the first place - I get dunked into Viral Transport Medium (VTM), a lovely cocktail of antibiotics, antifungals, and stabilizers. You know, just in case some pesky bacteria try to steal my spotlight.

Interviewer: Right, because nothing screams ’natural conditions’ like being marinated in chemicals.

Dr. Rasheed: Precisely! Then, I’m off to the lab, where the real fun begins. Scientists, bless their gullible hearts, take my sample and squirt it onto a petri dish of starving Vero cells - monkey kidney cells.

Interviewer: Ah, so not even human cells?

Dr. Rasheed: Oh heavens, no!! Why use human cells when we can use cells from a completely different species and pretend the results apply? Science!!

Interviewer: Genius. Then what happens?

Dr. Rasheed: Then they start poisoning the cell culture!! First, they reduce nutrients, so the cells are practically begging for mercy. Then, they douse them with a lovely array of toxins:

Actinomycin D to stop ’DNA’ synthesis.

Trypsin to chew up proteins.

Amphotericin B to kill off any fungi that dare to survive.

And my personal favorite - antibiotics galore!!

Interviewer: Sounds like a medieval torture chamber.

Dr. Rasheed: Oh, it is!! The best part? When th cells inevitably shrivel up, burst, or fuse into multinucleated blobs, scientists throw their hands up and yell, “Aha!! Cytopathic Effect!! Proof of measles virus!!“

Interviewer: Just to clarify, this “Cytopathic Effect“ you're talking about - couldn't it just be, I don't know... the result of poisoning the cells?

Dr. Rasheed: Oh, absolutely. But where's the fun admitting that?

Interviewer: Fair point. What happens next?

Dr. Rasheed: Ah, now comes the ultracentrifugation stage. They spin me at ridiculous speeds - 100, 000 times the force of gravity - to ’purify’ me, which really just means I get separated into a mystery soup of cellular debris, and whatever random junk survived the chemical apocalypse.

Interviewer: Sounds incredibly precise.

Dr. Rasheed: Oh, it's all very... interpretive. Then, they hit me with even more delightful treatments:

Glutaraldehyde to glue everything together.

Osmium tetroxide to stain ’my’ lipid coat (or whatever they think is my lipid coat).

Ethanol baths to dehydrate me.

And then I get embedded in epoxy resin like a fossilized mosquito in amber.

Interviewer: I’m starting to think you'd have an easier time proving your existence if you just introduced yourself directly from the fluids of a sick person and show that you're capable of infecting the cells of a healthy individual.

Dr. Rasheed: That would ruin the mystique!! After all that abuse, I get sliced into ultrathin sections, stained with heavy metals, and finally, the moment of truth - I get blasted with a powerful electron beam.

Interviewer: A literal zap of electrons?

Dr. Rasheed: Yeo!! At 80 to 300 kilovolts!! If I wasn't dead before, I certainly am now. And what does all this effort produce? A grainy, black-and-white image featuring some indistinct blobs, which scientists interpret as measles virus.

Interviewer: Let me get this straight. No actual isolation, just a mix of chemicals, starvation, poisoning, centrifugation, resin entombment, heavy metal staining, and good old-fashioned electrocution... all to produce a fuzzy picture of some cell debris?

Dr. Rasheed: That’s right!! And when someone asks, "Where's the control experiment?" ー meaning, "Did you do this whole process with a sample that doesn't contain any measles ’virus’?" ー we just... don't talk about that.

Interviewer: So... it doesn't really look like your existence has been proved at all. It just looks like a lot of poisoning of a cell culture has taken place.

Dr. Rasheed: Marvelous, isn't it? The best part? We get to keep deceiving the world with this nonsense, and the funding never stops rolling in!!

Interviewer: Incredible. Dr. Rasheed, thank you for your enlightening conversation. I need a drink.

Dr. Rasheed: Make it a double. Cheers to viroLIEgy!!!

Mark terrell's avatar

RFK just proved that he hasn't done his research and doesn't have a plan. He could have separated the measles vaccine out from the rubella and mumps vaccine as a first step in getting some sanity back. After all, it is MMR vaccine that is one of the culprits identified by many as causing a lot of problems. He got Trumped (no pun intended) by the vaccinators.

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